Walking on Eggshells After Childhood Trauma: The Body’s Survival Patterns and Returning to Yourself, One Step at a Time
On my morning walk with my dear friend Mali, she commented that she noticed how I often seemed to walk almost on my tiptoes, rather than supporting my whole foot on the ground, heel to toe. This got me thinking about how, for many of us trauma survivors—especially those of us with developmental or childhood trauma—tiptoeing through life was how we learned to walk. It’s as if we’re walking on eggshells—careful, braced, and afraid to take up space in our own bodies.
In many cases, the environment didn’t feel stable or safe enough to fully embody our existence. Perhaps we feared the reactions of our caretakers, teachers or peers. Maybe taking up our own space was punished or seemed to cause ripple effects at home or school that were too risky.
So instead, we learned to walk on eggshells—measuring our facial expressions, postures, words, and actions so as to avoid catastrophe or turmoil. We learned to fragment parts of ourselves to fit in at school or at home, in order to keep the peace or “fit in”.
This often shows up later in life—at work or in our intimate relationships—in a myriad of ways: tolerating situations, behaviors, or circumstances that are harmful to us because we learned that keeping the peace was more important than being authentic, than being ourselves. This is the survival mechanism referred to as the fawn response (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn).
Why Somatic Work Is So Healing for Childhood Trauma
This is part of why somatic work can feel confronting at first—and yet becomes one of the most profoundly transformative tools for those of us carrying complex developmental childhood trauma.
When our earliest experiences taught us to disconnect from our bodies in order to survive, coming back into the body can stir old sensations, memories, and protective patterns. But this very process is also what creates the possibility for real, lasting change. Somatic work helps us build the capacity to stay present with ourselves in moments where we once would have dissociated, fawned, or abandoned our own needs.
As we return fully to our bodies, we give ourselves permission to recognize that inhabiting our whole selves is not only allowed—it is essential. It is how we reclaim our sovereignty, reconnect to our inner power, and recover the voice that once felt unsafe to express. Somatic healing reminds us, gently and consistently, that we no longer have to move through life as we once did: hyper-vigilant, collapsed, or walking on eggshells.
We get to move differently now—one grounded step at a time.
A Client’s Story
When clients start healing, they often realize they’ve been disconnected from themselves for decades without knowing it.
In a recent coaching session, a client of mine remembered times as a child feeling like a little dolly that her family liked to dress up and show off. She was praised for being cute, easy, and agreeable.
But when she had her own big, real feelings—trying to survive in a household of domestic violence—she was chastised, rejected, or punished.
She learned:
“I’m loved and lovable as long as I’m a cute, easy, accommodating little dolly.
But if I show how I really feel, I will be abused—or worse, abandoned.”
This same little girl experienced sexual abuse from men in her family and those close to her, which further fed upon and reinforced these limiting beliefs and the survival mechanism of fawning—pretending to be okay and just doing what others expected — while being far too young to understand the full implications.
NICABM article explaining fawning behavior in trauma survivors : Fawn Response.
Now, at 50 years old, she is working to redefine and recover her sovereignty and her right to have wants, needs, and feelings. She is learning to feel into her body and it’s wisdom, listen to her inner voice and trust herself.
The Patterns We Learn
She learned to sidestep her own needs, feelings, and desires to please those around her.
She learned to tiptoe and walk on eggshells to keep the peace and avoid trouble (fawn mode).
And finally, she learned to go faster—to sprint to try to stay as many steps ahead ot it all as she possibly could (flight mode).
If she could just keep running, maybe she could outrun the feelings, the fears, the pain of self-abandonment and betrayal—the heartbreaking split in her psyche as a result of her childhood trauma.
“If I stay busy enough, if I do more, if I move quickly, then I won’t have to feel it.”
She managed to get by this way until everything came crashing down and her nervous system collapsed into a major breakdown. It was then that she began her journey of recovery—one that requires slow, steady steps, with her feet fully touching the ground, feeling each step, and recovering her sense of integrity, identity, and innocence.
This is one client’s journey—but for many of us, it’s our shared experience of living.
A Reflection for You
How about you?
Are you tiptoeing, sidestepping, and/or sprinting through your life—or are you stopping to smell the roses, planting your feet fully on the ground, and taking steps in the direction of your heart and soul’s deepest desires? Are you fawning, people pleasing, and ignoring your own needs to keep others happy? No judgement, just awareness.
No matter how long you’ve been walking a certain way, you can always adjust your course, take steps in a new direction, and recover the Inner Compass that will never lead you astray. We do this one step at a time, celebrating each one, no matter how small.
If you’re ready to take guided steps toward healing and reclaiming your sovereignty, my 7-Step Program can support you on this journey.
https://breakthrucrisis.com/breakthru-coaching/
My client ended her session with a powerful new mantra:
I am a real person, and my feelings, needs, and desires matter.